As a girl, I've been naive and stupid to trust boys. Young and innocent, believing in finding that one true love. I admit that I looked for them boys. I took action because I never believed in waiting for them to come trotting by like the prince in Snow White (I still think she's ugly. So much for her skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, hair as black as ebony.) But the thing is, I somehow manage to choose the wrong guys. Each of them say they're different and that they'll never leave you. And you actually believe them, because like I said, you were once naive, innocent and stupid. You think because you're in a relationship that you're going to be alright.
And all of a sudden, they leave you. You don't need to be in a relationship for someone to leave you, all you need is to get emotionally attached. With the stupidest reasons one can ever think of or sometimes without a reason at all, or sometimes, they don't even let you know they're leaving. So you go through the buckets of tears, the phone calls with your best friend, the crying in the middle of the night under your blanket, looking through texts from that person, the moments when you didn't feel like talking to anyone at all.
So you go through that whole process, only to find later that the guy comes back to you. And you gladly welcome him with both arms into your life thinking it would be better once more. Then he leaves you, even after he says, "I love you". You think that no one leave you after saying that, but they do.
I don't like going through the process of losing someone in my life emotionally. It was never fun or easy. It always got me wondered what I did wrong or in what way I wasn't good enough. I knew the boys left because they found somebody better. And I always blamed myself for it.
So I went through phase where I found it difficult to trust boys because I didn't want to get hurt again. Until, he came along. A best friend that became my boyfriend. It took a while to trust him, but I managed because he was there for me when the other boys left me. Every time I went through insecurities like these, he was there to hold my hand, lending me his shoulder to let me cry on, giving me smiles to make me smile. A boyfriend who now still makes me excited to talk about, making me jumble up my words in front of other people. Alright, I'm going off track.
The thing is, he was always there. I didn't go looking for him like I did with the rest of the guys. He never sweet talked until we started dating. And after exchanging those 3 words with each other, he's still here, even after a year. He never promised he wouldn't leave me but he did give pretty good reasons if he ever did. I guess insecurities do go away when he tells you the exact words you needed to hear. That's what I needed, his assurance. I love my best friend slash boyfriend. =)
from my milk tooth. =)
Toodles with no insecurities,
Alanna the Banana
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