Don't mind me. Emo post ahead. I just need to let out this one.
So you've been gone for 21 days already. On the 7th, you left for Australia to attend a funeral. You promised me a day before that you would do your very best to come back on the 9th to see me on prom night. I didn't keep my hopes high, yet, I did. I wanted to see you step out of that elevator, looking around to find for me, only to find me waiting, sitting on a couch nearby. I wanted you to call saying that you've arrived safely and that you're on the way to the hotel to see me. When prom started, I didn't talk much to my friends cause I missed you. I didn't want to take alot of picture cause I constantly thought about you. I wasn't even a good date to my friend cause deep down I wished it was you who took me to prom. After an hour, I made two calls to you. As expected, you didn't pick up. Anyway, you said if you were to get a flight, you would land at 11-something pm. I waited. Friends noticed how glum I looked that night. They noticed I wasn't smiling as usual because this was what I had been waiting for. They noticed I wasn't happy. I woke up from that sad, pitiful image and thought to myself. I became more lively, asking my date to dance since he was shy. But, they were just all fake. Fake smiles, fake happiness. I just couldn't be happy. I danced and danced and danced! It was the only way I could get rid of the frustration and sadness. When the slow song came on and when I had to dance with my date, I wished it was you. You were constantly on my mind. Prom ended at about 12. I called you for the last time, still, no answer.
Patiently I waited. All the way to the 16th. I couldn't remember if you were coming back on this date or on the 18th. But I waited anyway. I checked my phone constantly. After the 19th, I thought you might have left for England as you said you would be going there again during Christmas and somewhere else during the New Years. But I prayed you would be back before Christmas. 25th came and I called. Still no answer. I sent you a text message wishing you and saying I missed you alot and told you to call me when you arrive home. I looked at your Facebook profile. It is inactive for a month already. Now its the 28th. And I'm still waiting. For you. Just one text message would do. One. Even a word would do. Even a blank text would be fine. That's how much I miss you.
You said you loved me. Remember I was so shocked that I didn't reply for awhile and in the end I said, "Are you sure?". I wanted you to be sure of your feelings. I didn't want to be swayed by what you said. I need to know whether you really meant it. You said I've made an impact on you. I didn't know how to reply to it and that made you a little upset. You were throwing childish tantrums like you always did but in the end I comforted you by saying that I like you alot and I really missed you, and that I have feelings for you I, myself can't express. But do you mean it all? Do you really love me or was it just the perfect words to say at that moment? Did it take a landslide to make you say "I love you" ? Did I really make an impact on you?
I stayed right beside you all along. Even though I was on the way to Singapore, I constantly prayed for your safety when you told me that your house was near the landslide area. Thank god, you were safe. I kept on asking you if you were fine. But you, being such a dear, you helped your friends by moving their stuff out of their houses. You, being so brave, stayed strong and supported your friends through the situation, even though you yourself were afraid. You were alone that time because the rest of your family had gone to Hong Kong. But you stayed in KL for me cause you wanted to work things out between us. The time when you left so abruptly during my examinations made me so upset that I broke down and had to depend on my friends for support and comfort. In that week, when I needed you the most, you weren't there. I woke up every morning and told myself if I was good enough, if I studied hard, you would text me soon. I broke from the spell next day and started studying but you were still constantly on my mind. Then one day out of the blue when my examinations were over, you texted me. You said you went to England. I didn't believe you cause I called you that day and you picked up. I confronted you with anger and frustration. You said that maybe you weren't important to me. Damn it, you were! I put your happiness in front of mine, constantly making sure you weren't getting bored of the conversations we were having. I was so angry at you. But I forgave you. I took you into my life once again. I told you not to feel bad about what happened even though you said you would disappoint me again in the future. I told you I didn't care about the past or the future cause what I cared was now.
You would probably have forgotten about this already but remember when we met at camp, we exchanged phone numbers and constantly texted each other day and night? I thought we had something going on then. I liked you so much. Your sweet words and you jokes that constantly made me smile and laugh. But it ended on mooncake festival. I still remember when you stopped sending me text messages. You said you were having a fever then. But that was just an excuse, wasn't it? That was three years ago, but the image is still clear in my mind. Then when we went back to camp in december again, I was happy that I could finally see you again. I took all the chances I had to work with you. I sat next to you during the meetings. Talked to you about my participants. When my friend's mom passed away, you made me laugh along with the other guys. It helped me so much that night knowing I had people that cared for me. But there was one thing I was most upset about that time. You got together with my friend. I was devastated. But I had to let go didn't I? Now that your back here, in my life, saying you love me, I'm glad. I was smart enough to let go of you then cause I knew back then, there would be a time when you would come to me once again.
But baby, how long must I wait for you? How long more? I don't mind if it's another week or another 2 weeks cause I've gone through 21 days without you right? But are you worth the wait? Though my friends think that this thing we have here is over, I still think that there are more for us to discover together. There was once when I tried to move on, but I couldn't plus, I didn't want to move on without you. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship right? I am now. I remember you said that it doesn't take someone to be ready for a relationship or not cause you would learn during the process when two people become a couple.
No one leaves another after they say "I love you" right? No one would just break promises without giving an explanation why right? These are the things I say to comfort myself. I hope it turns out true.
If you read this post, call me. Cause these are the exact words I wanna say to you. I want you to bring me to a ferris wheel like you promised. I want to see the city at night with you because it's what I love and you promised as well. I'm ready for a relationship with you. No matter what the future brings us, I want you to be by my side for now. I love you.
With love,
Your baby.
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