My Heart

Even though Accounts test was just plain torture for my brain, it has been a good day. Those shoes I wore to college today, is not made for walking, seriously. But I got a foot massage after all the walking I did. =P

Well, well, well. It's already the end of july and august is just less than 48 hours away. It really scares me how time really passes by, when you're just having a blast in college. This is the one time I never thought it would come back to me again in a short period. I always thought that those problems would end as soon as I pick a course when I registered for college. Without realising, the time has come again. To choose. Your future. Choosing a course and combination of subjects, was what I thought somehow difficult cause it is your foundation to your degreee. This time, I face something more challenging. My course, my major and minor, and my future university.

Somehow, I just don't know what I like to do. I'm taking Psychology, Accounts, Economics, Maths and English. What am I actually good at? Psych? I got an A for that. Accounts? I'm doing pretty well, surprisingly as I don't pay much attention in class. I'm doing my very best to keep my options open. Fashion marketing and management? Marketing alone? Psychology degree? Accounting? It's really going to take time and lots of research to find out what I'm interested in and what I plan to major in.

There is also another thing bothering me though. Overseas or staying here? For the first half of the year, my mind has always been, going to Australia, get a degree and travel. Now, I think everything in my head is messed up. My friends are planning to do twinning programmes here. The boyfriend is staying here. I've always stood alone when I made decisions. Not following others or succumbing into peer pressure. This time round, I'm torn in between decisions. Should I stay and do a twinning programme? My babes would be here to back me up when necessary. The boyfriend is going to be here and at this point, I can't see life without him by my side. Family is here. I am the only child, it's only normal for me to really miss them if I were to go. I'm used to the KL life. Then again, going overseas is a better opportunity as parents keep telling me. Parents WANT me to go and get a better education. I don't wanna let my parents down. And since my mother knows about my relationship, I don't want her to think I'm staying because of him.

So basically, I'm in a dilemma. It's been bothering me alot as trials are coming up and before I know it, its the finals. August is nearing and it's time for university placements coming up. Reality struck me when they passed out the fliers around in college. That's when I came down from cloud nine.

My friends, actually know what they want to do. Ok, some of them only anyway. But whoever out there who knows what they want to do as their career, and have their years ahead of them planned out, I envy you. I used to be that person. But now, I'm not. I think it's time I put friends, family and all others aside to think of what I really want to major in. I'll just talk to a counsellor. Talking to my parents is also another option but I know the subject of the boyfriend will come up. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible.

On a similar note, I HATE, absolutely DESPISE relatives when they ask you about your future and they TELL you what to do. "Accounting. It's the best. You MUST do accounting. You will earn alot of money from that job." EXCUSE ME. Who the eff are you to tell me what I MUST or MUST NOT do. It's MY life and the only person who can decide is ME! No point asking me to study what I'm not interested in. And WHO BLUDY HELL said that Accounting is the ONLY thing that can generate TONS of cash into my bank account? My blogshop is doing very well and I'm earning money right now. And I'm being frank, it's ALOT.
If you wanna give your opinions, do it in a more subtle way and not by using domineering words like MUST and all. BACK OFF! Don't put in more stress into my life already.


Toodles with frustration and confusion.
Alanna the Banana